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One Day in McGonagall's Dotage
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One Day in McGonagall's Dotage
6:00 AM: Rises early, because it's the proper thing to do
6:30 AM: Brushes hair from crown to ends 120 times; places back into bun
7:00 AM: Has light breakfast of tea, toast, marmalade (Twinings, Thomas and Brundles - nothing else will do)
8:00 AM: Practices looking severe in the mirror... one never knows when it might come in handy
9:00 AM: Transfigures a hedgehog into a pincushion... one never knows when it might come in handy
10:00 AM: Frets over the children (force of habit)
11:00 AM: Takes 50 points from Slytherin, records it in the Unofficial Point Management Book (550 thus far this week)
11:10 AM: Takes 10 points from self for capriciously taking points from Slytherin (110 thus far this week)
11:11 AM: Gives 10 points to self for owning up to capricious point taking (110 thus far this week)
11:30 AM: Fire-calls Hermione to offer congratulations for recently published paper on energy conservation in animal-to-inanimate transfigurations
12:00 PM: Concludes fire-call with Hermione after lengthy detour regarding Brechtian overtones in post-Grindelwald wizarding literature
12:05 PM: Has a light lunch, of the sort that the Hogwarts house-elves had accepted from her after a mere thirty-one years
12:30 PM: Fire-calls three Ravenclaws to interpret discussion with Hermione
12:35 PM: Allots four minutes to wish that Hermione would stop to smell the roses
12:39 PM: Takes 10 points from self for criticizing a former student's God-given talents and abilities
12:40 PM: Frets over Hermione (force of habit)
1:00 PM: Floos to Madam Malkin's for annual shopping trip; replaces 14 old gloomy black robes with 14 new gloomy black robes
2:30 PM: Begins nap
2:45 PM: Wakes due to guilt over napping; falls asleep again
2:50 PM: Has mildly inappropriate dream involving the late Albus Dumbledore and a Quick-Quotes Quill
3:00 PM: Wakes; allots five minutes to be wistful
3:05 PM: Recalls dream, awards 20 points to self for creativity (60 thus far this week)
3:15 PM: Uses a hammer to break walking stick in three places
3:16 PM: Places fire-call to Harry
3:20 PM: Harry arrives; repairs walking stick and a crack in the sitting room lintel; stays for tea and biscuits; accepts suggestion that Hermione needs to get out more
3:55 PM: Harry departs; awards 10 points to self for giving Harry something to do with himself; awards 20 points to Harry for having the grace not to notice
3:57 PM: Frets over Harry (force of habit)
4:00 PM: Places crank fire-call to Gryffindor Head of House
4:30 PM: Sits down to read Daily Prophet
4:32 PM: Incinerates Daily Prophet
5:30 PM: Fixes dinner
5:45 PM: Tosses dinner in the bin and fixes second dinner; takes 20 points from first dinner for being insufficiently austere
6:15 PM: Places anonymous owl order to Hogsmeade branch of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes: one Super-Ultra-Undoubtedly-Mad-Mega-Pack, with rush delivery to Gryffindor Common Room
6:30 PM: Debates whether to take points from self for crank fire-call
6:40 PM: Debates whether to take points from self for Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes order
7:15 PM: Fire-calls Gryffindor Common Room, asks for Head of House; the poor dear says he's rather busy; audible evidence of a conflagration in the background
7:20 PM: Gives Fred and George Weasley 20 points each and awards honorary NEWTs
7:25 PM: Takes 100 points from self for Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes order, 2 points for crank fire-call
7:30 PM: Contemplates taking up knitting
7:31 PM: Decides against it, owing to excessive interest in balls of yarn
7:35 PM: Re-marks old student papers (very relaxing)
8:00 PM: Closes blinds, changes into jumper and denims, pours 12-year old Scotch, fetches secret telly from the cupboard and watches Coronation Street
8:30 PM: Spouts Gaelic limericks and pours a second Scotch
9:00 PM: Takes 10 points from self for unauthorized jumper and denims, 15 points for unauthorized telly and 50 points for drinking; gives 75 points to self for having the good sense to drink damn fine Scotch
9:15 PM: Changes into bedclothes
9:25 PM: Flosses teeth, which causes thoughts of the Grangers, which causes thoughts of Hermione, which causes fretting over Hermione (force of habit), which causes fretting over Harry (force of habit)
9:30 PM: Takes 5 points from self for excessive fretting
9:35 PM: Receives next Sunday's Times crossword from Trelawney
9:40 PM: Decides for the 832nd time that Trelawney is an old fraud -- clearly the answer to 45-across is rhododendron, not hydrangea
9:45 PM: Finishes off the last of the second Scotch; takes one million points from Trelawney
9:46 PM: Takes 10 points from self for being excessive
9:47 PM: Restores 100 points to Trelawney
9:48 PM: Restores 10 points to self for being charitable
9:50 PM: Unties bun; brushes hair from crown to ends 75 times; places back into bun
10:00 PM: Retires and promptly goes to sleep -- lingering would be wasteful
6:00 AM: Rises early, because it's the proper thing to do
6:30 AM: Brushes hair from crown to ends 120 times; places back into bun
7:00 AM: Has light breakfast of tea, toast, marmalade (Twinings, Thomas and Brundles - nothing else will do)
8:00 AM: Practices looking severe in the mirror... one never knows when it might come in handy
9:00 AM: Transfigures a hedgehog into a pincushion... one never knows when it might come in handy
10:00 AM: Frets over the children (force of habit)
11:00 AM: Takes 50 points from Slytherin, records it in the Unofficial Point Management Book (550 thus far this week)
11:10 AM: Takes 10 points from self for capriciously taking points from Slytherin (110 thus far this week)
11:11 AM: Gives 10 points to self for owning up to capricious point taking (110 thus far this week)
11:30 AM: Fire-calls Hermione to offer congratulations for recently published paper on energy conservation in animal-to-inanimate transfigurations
12:00 PM: Concludes fire-call with Hermione after lengthy detour regarding Brechtian overtones in post-Grindelwald wizarding literature
12:05 PM: Has a light lunch, of the sort that the Hogwarts house-elves had accepted from her after a mere thirty-one years
12:30 PM: Fire-calls three Ravenclaws to interpret discussion with Hermione
12:35 PM: Allots four minutes to wish that Hermione would stop to smell the roses
12:39 PM: Takes 10 points from self for criticizing a former student's God-given talents and abilities
12:40 PM: Frets over Hermione (force of habit)
1:00 PM: Floos to Madam Malkin's for annual shopping trip; replaces 14 old gloomy black robes with 14 new gloomy black robes
2:30 PM: Begins nap
2:45 PM: Wakes due to guilt over napping; falls asleep again
2:50 PM: Has mildly inappropriate dream involving the late Albus Dumbledore and a Quick-Quotes Quill
3:00 PM: Wakes; allots five minutes to be wistful
3:05 PM: Recalls dream, awards 20 points to self for creativity (60 thus far this week)
3:15 PM: Uses a hammer to break walking stick in three places
3:16 PM: Places fire-call to Harry
3:20 PM: Harry arrives; repairs walking stick and a crack in the sitting room lintel; stays for tea and biscuits; accepts suggestion that Hermione needs to get out more
3:55 PM: Harry departs; awards 10 points to self for giving Harry something to do with himself; awards 20 points to Harry for having the grace not to notice
3:57 PM: Frets over Harry (force of habit)
4:00 PM: Places crank fire-call to Gryffindor Head of House
4:30 PM: Sits down to read Daily Prophet
4:32 PM: Incinerates Daily Prophet
5:30 PM: Fixes dinner
5:45 PM: Tosses dinner in the bin and fixes second dinner; takes 20 points from first dinner for being insufficiently austere
6:15 PM: Places anonymous owl order to Hogsmeade branch of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes: one Super-Ultra-Undoubtedly-Mad-Mega-Pack, with rush delivery to Gryffindor Common Room
6:30 PM: Debates whether to take points from self for crank fire-call
6:40 PM: Debates whether to take points from self for Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes order
7:15 PM: Fire-calls Gryffindor Common Room, asks for Head of House; the poor dear says he's rather busy; audible evidence of a conflagration in the background
7:20 PM: Gives Fred and George Weasley 20 points each and awards honorary NEWTs
7:25 PM: Takes 100 points from self for Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes order, 2 points for crank fire-call
7:30 PM: Contemplates taking up knitting
7:31 PM: Decides against it, owing to excessive interest in balls of yarn
7:35 PM: Re-marks old student papers (very relaxing)
8:00 PM: Closes blinds, changes into jumper and denims, pours 12-year old Scotch, fetches secret telly from the cupboard and watches Coronation Street
8:30 PM: Spouts Gaelic limericks and pours a second Scotch
9:00 PM: Takes 10 points from self for unauthorized jumper and denims, 15 points for unauthorized telly and 50 points for drinking; gives 75 points to self for having the good sense to drink damn fine Scotch
9:15 PM: Changes into bedclothes
9:25 PM: Flosses teeth, which causes thoughts of the Grangers, which causes thoughts of Hermione, which causes fretting over Hermione (force of habit), which causes fretting over Harry (force of habit)
9:30 PM: Takes 5 points from self for excessive fretting
9:35 PM: Receives next Sunday's Times crossword from Trelawney
9:40 PM: Decides for the 832nd time that Trelawney is an old fraud -- clearly the answer to 45-across is rhododendron, not hydrangea
9:45 PM: Finishes off the last of the second Scotch; takes one million points from Trelawney
9:46 PM: Takes 10 points from self for being excessive
9:47 PM: Restores 100 points to Trelawney
9:48 PM: Restores 10 points to self for being charitable
9:50 PM: Unties bun; brushes hair from crown to ends 75 times; places back into bun
10:00 PM: Retires and promptly goes to sleep -- lingering would be wasteful
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