The Crow posted a comment on Thursday 24th July 2008 8:25pm for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Theres a few changes here and there. That's cool.
Nonetheless I fondly miss certain lines and parts.
Dudley driving him in, even small sentences like the part in Gringotts where the girl winces when Harry mentions how it only hurts sometimes.

The tiny things.
I liked the grand entrance Harry made with the bike previously. It's neccesary - but still...
I miss em. :-)

Basically just having another re-read through, and as always enjoying it.
Overall a great read and flows well.

I'd forgotten how much of a hard time Harry was given on his birthday of all things. Still, an epic read and you feel compelled to read through for Harry's well-being.
Still without conflict you can't have a great story.

Best of luck. Mike.

mathiasgranger posted a comment on Tuesday 15th April 2008 7:37am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Man this Harry needs to tell the Weasleys to go sod off. He owes them absolutely nothing, and they owe him two life debts and a bit more.

Yet here he is apologizing and continually giving them things, just to placate their retarded sensibilities. He didn't owe Ginny a kiss, but she demanded one, because she couldnt get over her own pathetic crush.

Ron has had feelings of inadequacy for as long as Harry has known him, and yet he somehow blames Harry for that...the brains didn't change anything on that count.

Harry oews Molly Weasley nothing aside from perhaps a punch to the face for her being so overbearing...

~Matt

Pamela St Vines posted a comment on Monday 18th June 2007 2:00am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

You really should add a warning to this one--something like, "THIS STORY IS ADDICTIVE AND MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH." I thought I would just read the first chapter before nodding off last night and two hours later I had to force myself to put it down. Sorry this is a multi-chapter review, but I just had to keep "turning the page." There were so many things I loved: Dudley being an artist, Flitwick disguised as a muggle child, and THANK YOU for making Remus interesting. Having his first response to Harry's vision of Wormtail be "Where is he?" -- very cool. You didn't slow the action down, but I knew this would not be the typical Remus. Too often in the quest to prove being a werewolf doesn't mean he's bad, writers make Remus bland -- sort of a werewolf Dr. Phil or Depak Chopra. I was glad to see more of that edginess in this chapter. Thanks for writing--now I'm off to see what comes next.

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 10:27am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Good chapter.

gunny

Turtle posted a comment on Thursday 7th June 2007 4:21am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Per your request, I'm posting this here.
Noticed a possible incontinuity... Chapter starts with "...half past eight". The portkey is set to go off "...at eight in the morning." Seems half past six might've fit better, shortly after Dobby had woken him up.

On a more general note, I really like the story. I really like how you've managed to get Sirius' motorbike to Harry both without getting Harry into trouble with Arthur and not bending the rules with nonsense of the bike being "grandfathered" in under old statutes.

I didn't read the old version, so I don't have any context there. I am happy to see that you're not abandoning a work; I like that you're instead reworking it to better fit where you want to go. Congratulations isn't quite right... Thank you? Keep up the excellent work.

-Turtle

Full_Pensieve replied:

Thanks, Turtle - you caught one, all right!  

As I went back, I discovered that in fact you caught a four-year old error!   I've changed it to a quarter past seven, and Dobby's wake-up call to seven; this is a sixteen-year old, after all, so we can't expect him to leave much of a margin - LOL.

I meant what I said about posting up these sorts of errors.   I've no ego or pride on that score.   If I can get it right or make it better with the help of readers, then I'm happy to do that.

Cheers,
Mike [FP]

atlantis-rob posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 1:48am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Nice job again on this chapter, it flowed better, especially things like lupin and harry's mini argument and such. The bit with the elves and such (twins gift) was very amusing too, and well done with the handling of kreacher. Cheers!

Decumo9 posted a comment on Monday 28th May 2007 7:29am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

is there a paring for this story, or did i just completely miss something.

Dragen posted a comment on Saturday 26th May 2007 10:21pm for A Less-Than-Shining Party

I was wondering if there is any parings for this story, if so what are they... could you tell us in the next chapter of this story.

Cool, Harry has a motorbike. I like that he did for Ron, even if he is being a git right now.

PLEASE update again soon, as I would like to see what happens next.

KateHC posted a comment on Saturday 26th May 2007 2:30am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

This chapter was both informative and very funny in parts. I feel so sorry for your Lupin. He is truly a tragic figure.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Tragic but very, very flawed.   In my view, most fanfics are too kind to Lupin.   He was definitely Dumbledore's man during Harry's early childhood, to Harry's detriment.   The best-case explanation is that he was convinced Dumbles would do right by Harry (although he should have known the score with Lily's sister) and thought himself too dangerous  to become involved in Harry's life.   That still doesn't explain why he stayed away for Harry's first two school years, unless the situation for werewolves is even worse than described in canon.   They also have him get over the loss of Sirius almost as easily as Harry slipped it aside in HBP (which really bothered me).  

Cheers,.

Mike [FP]

sanghamitra posted a comment on Saturday 26th May 2007 1:14am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

are you incorporating the horcrux idea in this version ?

Full_Pensieve replied:

No.   The plot arc for YoR was based around a specific theory of mine regarding the connection between Harry and Lord Thingy.   Change that, and you wipe out the plot arc.   I also don't like the Horcrux concept for a variety of reasons.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

Infin1x posted a comment on Friday 25th May 2007 4:38pm for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Very interesting can't wait to see this continued

brad posted a comment on Friday 25th May 2007 12:14pm for A Less-Than-Shining Party

It's my understanding, from one or two messages by the FFA authors on Tim's Yahoo group, that when an FFA author uploads a chapter there's a box to tick ('check') to tell the system to send out e-mail notifications to registered readers? If the box isn't ticked then the notifications don't go out.

I haven't received any e-mail messages regarding any of the chapters of YoR-redux, so when I wrote my last review I was just asking if you'd "ticked the box". I didn't receive any notification for this one either.

I was looking around your FFA site to try and find the old version of YoR - I guess you have removed it already, as implied by your posts on the FFA forum - and I noticed your two fanfic recommendations. I wish there was an e-mail notification for that sort of thing (too)! Seems to me I've often been surprised by your popping something in there, or in the 'other formats', or the home page's 'latest news'.

Anyway, I'd already come across 'Finding Himself' - it's sitting here waiting for me to read one day - on reading the first chapter I'd decided that it was a keeper and deserved a proper, full-on perusal. Thank you for the second recommendation - 'With Malice Aforethought' - if it's of similar quality then I'm indebted to you! These days I truly treasure the really good stories that I find, they seem to be few and far between.

If I can ask - I notice that author SPSmith's sequel to 'With Malice Aforethought' - 'And Malice Toward None' - is only on its second chapter, and was last updated half a year ago. Would you have any idea as to the story's current status or likelihood of being completed?

In my last review I was going to suggest that maybe Dumbledore had lied when he'd spoken about why he cared for Harry in Sirius's 'game'; maybe he'd deliberately lied in the first round, to show what Sirius had placed in store for people who broke the rules - some visible prank which made the lie and liar obvious to all - and then circumvented the spell's protections in some manner when he spoke to Harry (he *is* Dumbledore, the most powerful wizard around) so Harry would take his words at face value. But I later read Cry's comment, which makes much more sense; so much more elegant to keep it simple and have Ablus exploit a loophole of counting on Sirius to only ward against lies on the *first* exchange with the one for whom he cared the *most*. So I'm glad I didn't say anything :-)

As to this chapter; very enjoyable, and again it's very hard not to pull out the old version and keep reading. I always thought the Triumph was a bit of overkill, seemed to stretch things a lot - a pole suspended between two sawhorses looking and acting like a motorbike? - but of course you're just extrapolating from the whole canon idea of a broomstick. I'd missed the first time around the fact that there were wand cores in the handles; that links in nicely with someone (Kingsley, Tonks?) half-joking that Moody would be likely to stash hidden wand cores all over his home, etc - I always liked that, it seemed to be an obvious thing for a (paranoid) wizard to do which I'd never read of before.

"That would be a sure path to product testing" - heh. Always liked that line.

I was going to protest that Ginny must surely be closer to 15 than 14 - it's a bit 'icky' to think of a 14 year old as a possible girlfriend for 16-year-old Harry - but I guess her over-protective brothers would typically round their little sister's age down rather than up.

The mention of Luna in this chapter - and Harry's protective attitude towards her, very nice - has reminded me of your story's unique Luna, one of the best I've ever read. Sigh. Quite some time to go before I see if her mental 'illness' around Hogwarts is healed, I guess. :-(

So, the 'Directors' Meeting' is going to be at the shop rather than the Burrow? Well, you did warn us things were going to be cut.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Hmm.   I did find the box and "tick" it for CH 7.   I'm not sure why it didn't go out, although I know there have been some hiccups with the whole notification thing in recent days.

I don't actually know SPSmith - exchanged one Email, IIRC - so I can't tell you the status of the sequel.   I just thought the fic was well done.

I knew going into YoR that I did not want to do a charmed motorbike - that was already overdone in 2003 - and I was planning on a past connection between Devlin Whitehorn and Sirius.   The concept came together from that.   Yes, Shacklebolt's comment about wand cores in YoR the First CH 16 did emerge from that.  

Ginny wouldn't have turned 15 until roughly CH 28 of YoR the First, and yes, I figured on the twins being more likely to accidentally say Ginny was 14 in September than to say she was 15 in July.

Luna will still be Luna - I was too pleased with the characterization to let it go.   She might not appear much until things start going to hell, however.

Drop by the chat room when you have a chance, eh?   It's still open .   The password is "blustery" (case sensitive).

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

 

 

 

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 11:07pm for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Well, this is getting more intense as it goes, and I do look forward to the explanation, and hope that Hary won't be mollified by Albus anytime soon, as well as maybe getting Ron to pull his head from his butt, and to see what might happen with Harry next concerning his love life.

Melferd posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 11:10am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

I really love the new, streamlined version. It's a tight plot, and it's been a corking read.
*Looks back over shoulder wistfully at former wordy goodness"

Dude, I just love your stories...didn't have to change to please me!!
Thanks for the more!!
Mel

JBern posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 10:22am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Darn. Here I thought this was Pansy/Harry....

Seriously, nice chapter. I remember enough about the original. I haven't seen any major changes yet, but the extra coat of polish is always a welcome addition. In the middle of the chapter, you use kerb instead of curb or am I just thinking of the wrong word?

You do a nice job with Fred and George without making them over the top. Remus, he bothered me a bit with the self-absorbed comment. It was Harry's birthday and all, but I guess he made his point.

Looking forward to more.~Jim

Full_Pensieve replied:

No, Jim, this is pansy!Harry. ;-)

Kerb is the English variant spelling for 'curb'.   I also used it in CH 4 when Tonks was driving Harry in her BMW Isetta.  

Remus isn't an even-tempered character in YoR - wasn't in YoR the First, either.  

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 8:26am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

*laughs* Such a birthday gift, he should be honored - I think. Well, some interesting news and revelations this time, it seems Sirius was quite the wild one. One could hope some of this rubs off on Harry.

Crys posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 5:05am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Very generous of Harry. A bit too generous, IMO, but that's your call.

Nice to see you enjoying a bit of your fame, Harry. The endorsement at WWW was believable, but a bit mercenary if he thought it through.

Winky "took care of" Kreacher? That's a new one.

Looking forward to seeing what the annual meeting will be about.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Fred and George's appreciation of the endorsement was certainly mercenary - LOL.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

Bedrup posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 4:57am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Great chapter. A little disappointed in the broom bike.

James Barber posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 4:12am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Hey great story, I remember reading the first couple of chapters of this story somewhere, either here or probably at fanfiction(dot)net and I liked it then as I do now. but I also think you are correct it seems to flow better. anyway looking forward to the rest of it.

Amamama posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 2:01am for A Less-Than-Shining Party

Interesting. I remember the part with Devlin Whitehorn and the Bonnie from the first time round, and I love that the Bonnie is actually a kind of transfigured broom. Hope you're finding the rewriting inspiring, as I would love to see this story finished.

Cheers!