Full Pensieve was born in a middle American town lacking in both opportunity and charm, the sort of place where children aspire to grow up and move away. He made his arrival into the world kicking, screaming, and later than expected, all of which became lifelong habits. His early education came at the hands of Sr. Mary Sadistica, her colleagues and their lifetime supply of wooden rulers. After eight years, he advanced to a less enlightened secondary school. Most of his instruction there was provided by Jesuit priests who had failed to land university teaching posts and weren't very happy about it. Thanks to their combined efforts, Mr. Pensieve can make change without the aid of a cash register, read a dead language and properly employ the word 'heretic' in a sentence. In short order, he graduated, moved away, discovered beer and lost a four-year National Merit Scholarship, thus earning the gratitude of several banks for a number of years.
After completing a rarely-used graduate education, Mr. Pensieve established himself in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota. He currently lives in Colorado, within the general vicinity of various and sundry Muggles; raconteurs; musicians; accountants; greasy gits; mooses; squirrels; Pottsylvanian spies; forty-something soccer moms with bad dye-jobs who chomp their gum like ill-mannered children and pine for the days when they could see their own feet; and minions of the Dark Lord (those of particular note: divorce attorneys, tax collectors, for-profit health insurance executives, regular viewers of Fox News, and mimes).
In his wizarding life, Mr. Pensieve is the author of three self-help books. The most recent and best-read, Wicked Witches and the Wizards Who Love Them, topped at #8 on the Flourish and Blotts/Obscurus Press Best Sellers of Questionable Accuracy list. Drawn in by the semi-fictional Harry Potter series recently popularized in the Muggle world, he has partially completed two lengthy works loosely based on the lives of the world famous wizarding figure and his associates. He has also written several short pieces inspired by, among other things, the popular American wizard Dr. Seuss; the infamous English wizard John Cleese; and the well-known enchanted artefact Winnie-the-Pooh. Sadly, nothing incorporating the Muppets has suggested itself to-date.
Harry Potter and the Years of Rebellion has been called "richly written", "character-driven", "absurdly long", and "the best bathroom read I've had in years". The opening chapters of Harry Potter and the Last Horcrux have been described variously as "terse", "dark", and "wholly unexpected from a writer as pathologically verbose as Full Pensieve" (regrettably, later chapters are more true to form). Comments regarding the shorter works have included "funny", "hmph... as if!" and "huh?". Read on and draw your own conclusions.