The Rat in the Hat

By Professor Seuss

Former Undersecretary for the Care of Magical Creatures, U.S. Department of Magical Affairs

The sun did not shine.
It was too wet to play.
So we sat by the fire
All that cold, cold, wet day.

I sat there with Ginny.
We sat there, we two,
And I said, "How I wish
We had something to do!"

Too wet to go out
And too cold to play Quidditch.
We even passed on lunch -
It was loaded with spinach.

So all we could do was to
Wait!
Wait!
Wait!
Wait!
And we did not like it.
We cursed our poor fate.

And then
Something went BUMP!
How that bump made us jump!

We looked!
Then we saw him scurrying - drat!
We looked!
And we saw him!
The Rat in the Hat!
And Ginny said to him,
"Why are you back, you prat?"

"I know some good games we could play,"
Said the rat.
"I know some new tricks,"
Said the Rat in the Hat.
"I have a good friend.
Who would like to meet you.
It's too far to walk
So we'll travel by Floo!"

Then Ginny and I
Wondered whether to play.
Our mother, she banished the rat
Every day.

And our ghoul said, "No! No!
Make that rat go away!
Tell that Rat in the Hat
You do NOT want to play.
He should not be here.
He should not be about.
You can't travel by Floo
When your mother is out!"

"Now! Now! Have no fear!
Have no fear!" said the rat.
"My tricks are not bad,"
Said the Rat in the Hat.
"Why, we can learn pranks
That are useful at school
With a game that I call
Transfigure the Ghoul!"

"Put me down!" said the ghoul.
"This is not a dorm!
Put me down!" said the ghoul.
"I do NOT wish to transform!"

"Have no fear!" said the rat.
"I will tell you the truth.
My spell casting's gone rusty
Since the days of my youth.
But I'm sure it will come back,
No doubt about that!
Let's give it a whirl!"
Said the rat...

"Look at me!
Look at me now!" said the rat.
"I'll turn the ghoul to cake
and then an old hat!
A new garden rake!
Tabby cat with a fish!
Or a long wooden stake!
Some treacle on a dish!
And look!
The ghoul's changed into a ball!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
That is not all...

"Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me now!
It is fun to transfigure
But you have to know how.
Try a fancy cup,
For goodness' sake!
Or fishing hooks!
Perhaps a steak?
I can make a toy ship
With a little toy man!
And look! With my tail
I can topple the man!
I can make the ghoul wail
Or change short to tall!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
That is not all..."

That is what the rat said...
Then he animated the bed!
The bed trashed the kitchen
From the top to the bottom.
As Ginny kept cursing,
I said, "Finite incantatum!"

And our ghoul tumbled down.
He dropped into a pot!
He said, "Did I like that?
Oh, no! I did not.
That was NOT a good game,"
Said our ghoul as he lit.
"No, I did not like it,
Not one little bit!"

"Now look what you did!"
Said the ghoul to the rat.
"Now look at this house!
Look at this! Look at that!
You've flattened the kitchen!
You should beg for mercy!
What else could we expect
From a rat who liked Percy?
You SHOULD NOT be here
When their mother is not.
You get out of this house!"
Said the ghoul in the pot.

"But I like to be here.
Oh, I like it a lot!"
Said the Rat in the Hat
To the ghoul in the pot.
"I'm intending to stay.
I won't go away!
And so," said the Rat in the Hat,
"So
so
so...
I will show you
Another good game you can play!"

And then he ran out.
And, then, across the floor,
The Rat in the Hat
Dragged in a green door.

A big green wood door.
It was shut with a hook.
"This game should score,"
Said the rat.
"Take a look!"

Then he set the door up
Right in front of the fire.
"I call this game FUN-IN-THE-FLOO,"
Said the rat (what a liar!).
"Behind this door are two things
I will show to you now.
You just can't resist me,"
Said the rat with a bow.

"I will pick up the hook.
You will see something scary.
Two things whose names
Are not necessary.
These things will not kill you…
It's not likely... not very..."
Then, out of the Floo
Came Voldie and Harry!
And they ran to us fast.
They said, "How do you do?
Would you like to see
If the prophecy's true?"

And Ginny and I
Did not know what to do.
The rat closed the green door
And blocked up the Floo.
So we dropped to the floor
With our wands aiming true.

But our ghoul said, "No! No!
You must temper your rage!
You mustn't forget
That you're still underage!"

"Have no fear, little ghoul,"
Said the Rat in the Hat.
"Voldie and Harry are good things."
And he gave them a pat.
"They are tame. Oh, so tame!
They have come here to play.
They will give you some fun
On this cold, wet, DARK day."

"Here is a game that is cool,"
Said the rat.
"Harry and Voldie will duel,"
Said the Rat in the Hat.

"No! Not in the house!"
Said the ghoul in the pot.
"They should not duel
In a house! They should not!
Oh, the things they will shatter!
Oh, the loud and terrible clatter!
Oh, I do not like it!
Not one little bit!"

Then Ginny and I
Saw them run down the hall.
We saw Voldie and Harry
Blasting holes in the wall!
Percutio! Everbero! Everbero! Percutio!
Down the wall in the hall.

Voldie and Harry!
They ran up! They ran down!
Voldie shouted "Aduro!"
He burned Mother's new gown!
Her gown with the dots
That were pink, white and red.
Reduced to white ash
Spread all over her bed!

Voldie and Harry ran about
With big bumps, jumps and yells
And Unforgivables
And all kinds of bad spells.
And I said,
"I do NOT like the way that they play!
If Mother could see this,
Oh, what would she say?"

Then our ghoul said, "Look! Look!
Look at the clock!"
The hand for Mother
spun on the stalk;
She wasn't with Cheryl.
It spun in its dome.
It passed `Mortal Peril',
At last resting on `Home'.
"Your mother is coming,
Do you hear?"
Called the ghoul,
Who trembled with fear.

"So, DO something! Fast!" said the ghoul,
who shed silver tears.
"The clock! Your mother!
Your mother - she nears!
So, as fast as you can -
Before you are framed -
You will have to get rid of
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!"

So, as fast as I could,
I went after my broom,
And Ginny got the Quaffle
From the upstairs spare room.
And I said, "With my broom
I can zip - I can zoom!
I bet, with my broom,
I can cut through this gloom!"

Then I tossed the Quaffle.
It would have gone for a score.
And it struck him! At last!
Voldie dueled no more.
Then I said to the rat,
"Now you do as I say.
You summon old Voldie
And take him away!"

"Oh dear!" said the rat.
"You did not like my game…
Oh dear.
What a shame!
What a shame!
What a shame!"

Then he shoved Lord Voldie
Through the door by the fire,
And the rat went away
To confuse and conspire.

Then our mother came in.
As she brushed off from the Floo,
She looked at the kitchen
And shrieked, "What did you do?"

Ginny looked at Harry,
And Harry looked at me.
I looked at Ginny.
We all started to flee.