dboris posted a comment on Saturday 16th June 2007 8:12am

So, I've read the first seven chapters a looked quickly the other chapters before skipping to the last one. I didn't miss much.

From the start, it was basically a cliché post-Ootp fanfiction. There's no originality and characters are poorly made.
Well, an example of the poor characterisation would be a scene with lupin. Here.
Lupin yelling "where is he where is he" like a 5yo retard when Harry mention a dream about Voldemort and Wormtail.
Or, Harry getting angry when he see Draco and his mother during the Will reading. It's just the reaction we could expect from a retard.

I just find that continuing to write this story is a real waste of time. You could write a good and creative story, something worthy of AFF.net.

I don't mean to be rude to you or anything, it's just that I expected much more from a fanfiction I found on AFF.net, and I hoped you would finally find something despite the cliché start of the story, but seven chapters later, well, even at the last chapter there was nothing original.

Well, regards,
dboris

Full_Pensieve replied:

I find it interesting that you would bother to indicate that you don't mean to be rude immediately following several lines of rudeness.  

For a start, AFF.net is Adult Fan Fiction.net.   This is FFA.net.   If you're going to be a troll, you can at least state the name of the site correctly.   If you actually meant AFF.net, then (a) you're in the wrong place, and (b) it's no wonder that you were confused and turned-off by the fic.

I have this sneaking hunch that you're one of those irritating little boys who haunt the dark corners over at DLP.   Perhaps you're expecting every fic to contain the so-called "Independent!Harry" characterization, wherein Harry becomes a well-armed smart-ass who knows far more than Harry could possibly know and whose primary objectives are (a) to ditch all of his friends, (b) to talk smack to Dumbledore as much as possible, (c) load up with the biggest arsenal this side of Rambo, and (d) kill everything that moves.   I won't be writing that tripe.   If that's what you want to read, then go forth and read the recs over at DLP.  

Do you write, per chance?   Please send me links, so I can read your brilliant characterizations and comment upon them.   Then again, the poor sentence structure and meandering thoughts in your review both suggest strongly that you can not write.

Buh-bye,
Mike [FP]

Kay posted a comment on Friday 15th June 2007 9:36am

whoa, this book is seriously moving along!

KingDark posted a comment on Friday 15th June 2007 5:35am

well, I rushed trough all the chapters, and I find it quit a good story so far, not the usual, oh I think I love you xx oh, i love you back xx lets, go to bed and xx with the other

no, the relationship is much more balanced now.

Kingdark

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Wednesday 13th June 2007 6:00am

Good chapter, bummer at the end.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Wednesday 13th June 2007 3:54am

Very good.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Wednesday 13th June 2007 2:49am

Very good, but someone needs to explain about females to Harry.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Wednesday 13th June 2007 1:19am

Good chapter but Harry is soooo dense.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Wednesday 13th June 2007 12:06am

Good one, but Harry can't buy a break.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 10:57pm

Good chapter.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 10:27am

Good chapter.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 6:51am

Bummer.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 5:45am

Bummer.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 3:39am

Good chapter.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 3:10am

Very good.

gunny

kaylakyte posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 2:10am

There seems to be a break here... I pasted it in for you so you can find it...

Lupin nodded. "You know where to meet us," he said. Harry returned to the entry to collect his trunk. Somehow it had come ajar - probably from the bumping around on the back of that stupid car, he thought - so he forced his clothing back into place and applied a locking charm this time.
he could shrink it himself. He slipped the tiny trunk into a pocket and silently followed Lupin to the mews behind the house. There was a fireplace inside, and they spun their way to a scruffy-looking pub in Manchester, and then what looked to be a manor house,

Full_Pensieve replied:

Excellent catch!   It's been corrected in such a way that it makes sense.   10 points to your house of choice. :-)

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 2:08am

Very good.

gunny

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 1:18am

Good start.

gunny

john2 posted a comment on Monday 11th June 2007 10:53pm

This, in my opinion, is the first chapter that's an improvement upon the prior editions - this dream lets the discriminating reader know that the Dream Sirius is not what he appears to be - especially when he's relying upon Witch Weekly for information!

So, did Harry pop the Fidelius charm when he blurted the address to Tom-as-Sirius in the dream? It certainly wasn't his intent, that's for sure. I shall content myself with finding out the answer in the next, bits and blood-spattered chapter (if this follows the arc of the prior version).

Carry on - I'm enjoying the read.

hp4all posted a comment on Monday 11th June 2007 9:09pm

This chapter had its fair share of changes. The only constant through the edits is the quality. It is still a fascinating read.

This dream was more subtle, as we never saw the red eyes at the end of it. We saw a pair of lions, on the other hand. I do not remember them in previous edits. I wonder if it is foreshadowing of some kind.

The biggest surprise was the Grangers appearing at Harry's doorstep. This definitive version seems to be much more than just another edit.

I am also very curious about Harry saying the address twice in his dream. There was a passage on vulnerability of Fidelius earlier in the chapter. The passage seems to be new to the story, and I wonder if Harry mentioning the address twice in his dream could bring the hiding charm down. That would depend on the ability of the Grangers to see the house. I guess I have to wait until the next chapter.

Amamama posted a comment on Monday 11th June 2007 5:19pm

Ouch. I get stomach cramps from this. That wasn't Sirius at all, was it? It was Voldemort - and now Harry told him the bloddy address! Why didn't Harry sense the wrongness in Sirius' behaviour? Was he so happy to see him that he forgot his constant vigilance? Will he realize it? Eff it. And Voldy went straight to the Grangers to off them - which is why they're standing outside no. 12 now. Oh, dear. What a glorious mess.

Thank you! A wonderful read, as always.