warpwizard posted a comment on Tuesday 5th June 2007 5:21am

Good stuff, nice job with all the interpersonal conflict. I'd appreciate a little more insight into Harry's emotions, but that's a matter of writing style mostly, so disregard.

I'm starting to want to smack Weasleys in general (Arthur excepted) as well as some others. Harry is certainly getting lots of practice with his self-control.

Crys posted a comment on Sunday 3rd June 2007 1:30am

> Harry crossed his arms and said, "I trust that when you kill me, you won’t mean to do it."
That sounds about right :)

> "Can I offer you some advice?"
> "What for?" he asked.
> "Because you’re thick and you need advice,"
*laugh*

Lot of good character development at the party.

Looking forward to more.

brad posted a comment on Saturday 2nd June 2007 9:11am

Was there anything tweaked in this new version to make the 'shipping, the will-Harry-fall-in-love-with-Hermione factor more apparent? I guess - my H/Hr fervour is growing markedly as we approach DH-day - maybe I'm just more sensitive to same. When I started YoR the first time around I was in my fandom infancy and didn't even know what shipping was (I just appreciated the strictly canon platonic relationship between H/Hr and how it was picked up so seamlessly in this story).

I've always appreciated the Harry/Molly chat and Arthur's frank admission that his wife had always held hopes that Harry and Ginny would become a couple. Lots of fanfics dance around the possibility or play too coy.

"There have been times that I have literally felt Harry's power" -- would that this was truly the case in canon! :-(

It was a nice touch, flying over Hogwarts in this new version of the story ... I liked the idea of Mr. Granger seeing (for the first time; guess they don't have parent/teacher meetings in the magic world!) "the place where Hermione spent most of her time". Nice image.

Bedrup posted a comment on Thursday 31st May 2007 5:38am

Like your story, but I ´m honestly at bit tired of Harry apologizing.

atlantis-rob posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 11:53pm

Cheers FP. The few changes to this chapter from what I recall of the original are good. Harry and ron was definetly better as was harry and ginnys talk. And a few small transition changes I spotted in the later part were well done. Cheers and can't wait to see more!

Viridian posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 11:28pm

An interesting chapter that moves the plot forward, but one thing really struck me in this passage:

""No, you didn’t," Shacklebolt finished for him, "and the results speak for themselves! The Lovegood girl got by with a concussion, but the Longbottom boy broke his nose and Arthur’s daughter broke an ankle. Who knows what really happened to her brother? Granger is still recovering — were you aware of that? Were you aware that Tonks almost died? It’s a matter of dumb luck that the lot of you aren’t dead."

"I’m sorry," Harry whispered.

"That’s not enough! The Department put Tonks and me on leave. They want us to sign a loyalty oath!" Shacklebolt fumed.

Harry buried his face in his hands.

"It would have happened eventually, I can see that — but you forced everyone’s hand, Harry," scolded Shacklebolt. "The Ministry knows that Dumbledore reactivated the Order, so they recalled the Dark Force Defence League — the bloody twits! It’s obviously a purge in the making. Fudge wants to keep in power, so he wants Dumbledore kept in the dark."

"Not sure how I was supposed to know all of that..." Harry said through his hands."

*****

Actually, I'm sort of surprised at how meekly Harry accepted that... (accumulated emotional ecxhaustion?)

*****

"Well, I'm sorry you were put on leave, Auror Shacklebolt," Harry replied through clenched teeth, "but I lost one of the few adults that cares about me, as opposed to The Boy Who Lived. Of course, none of that would have happened if I hadn't been kept completely in the dark for the better part of a year. If I'd known I was the subject of the propehcy being guarded by the order, I might have realized that I was walking into a trap. But if you want to go off and sulk about the consequences of the Order's decisions, ask Professor Dumbledore if he still thinks keeping me ignorant and unprepared is a good idea."

*****

Of course, that might have spoiled the mood you wanted to set up for the rest of the chapter... especially for the talk with Mr. Granger. And maybe you are illustrating that Harry is trying too hard not to lash out as much. But I found that the manifest unfairness of Kingsley's accusations, not to mention Harry's acceptance of them at face value, really jarred me out of the story for a moment... and bothered me enough that I mulled this over while driving to work the following morning and am posting about it now.

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 9:59pm

Well, a heck of a lot happening here, and will be on the lookout for when Mrs. Grager gets ahold of Harry, and what the aftermath of that, along with the party, will be.

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 4:23pm

*chuckle* BUSTED!! It should be interesting to see all the discussions that go on after this chapter, in all sorts of combinations of folk.

SpellChecker posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 2:12pm

Here are two specific places (as posted 5/30/07 around 10 PM PDT) where the editing leaves traces of the old location at the Burrow:

> To make matters worse, he spotted Mrs. Weasley standing near the door to the kitchen.

followed soon after by:

> Mrs. Granger wore a predatory expression. Harry immediately regretted walking toward the house.

And then after Harry and Mr. Granger return from their ride:

> . . . Mr. Weasley said, pointing toward two figures walking down the dimly lit path to the shed.

which considering that they used to be downstairs in the Shrieking Shack, seems to put them on the path to Arthur Weasley's shed full of Muggle detritus.

That's why some of us are confused.

I'm not complaining, just trying to help. Perhaps it's the lack of a beta, but your standards have stepped down just a notch--a few misspelled words, an occasional grammar problem probably resulting from the editing process. Considering some of the ridiculous stuff out there, you're nearly perfect!

This is still one of my favorite fics, even after it moved from Schnoogle to your Yahoo group to Portkey to here (and maybe even FF.net?). I've reread it from the beginning each time. I do hope you manage to finish, but the ride has been great.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Okay, that helps me.   Obviously, I've seen this material too many times.   Back in the day, I actually had 12 betas at one point.   That was before I fell off the face of the earth - LOL.   I can't imagine what beta in her or his right mind would be willing to take on  15,000-20,000 words a week, which is the  necessary pace of the edit.   At any slower of a  pace,  I have no hope of ever finishing this effort  and then moving forward.   Not making excuses, just being a realist about the undertaking.

I do appreciate the specificity.   Rather than pulling the chapter outright, I'm going to sleep on it and then  look for any additional necessary  corrections tomorrow.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

hpssslashfan posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 10:27am

I love Harry's talks with Ginny & Mr. Granger, not overly sappy and very to the point as well as insightful.

Melferd posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 8:58am

**Giggles helplessly at the twins** "your grace!! lord moony!!"
"stick to the parchment" can I have their babies? please??

"He was like kissing the giant squid" *giggles again**
You write the relationships between people so naturally, that I feel more like I'm there watching than reading. Except you see all the stuff I'd miss, too. There's a compliment in there somewhere...

I'd forgotten how much came raining down on poor Harry's head during this party...it's enough to send the poor boy to a monastic life somewhere..

missing the wordy fun still, but greatly enjoying the new, sleek version..!

Stanley Chalk posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 8:44am

I love this story and I have read the previous version. But there seems to be some mixup in this chapter as to wherer Harry is. I thought the meeting was at the shop then it appears to be at the wheesley's home then at the end it is the the shack. It needs to be proof read again to get the descrepensies correct. I still love what you are doing with it though. So keep it up.

Full_Pensieve replied:

They used a portkey to go from the shop to the unknown location, which was revealed as the Shrieking Shack.   All of that information was present in the chapter.    However, a number of pages elapsed between each event, and that  tends to create confusion.   I've made some small changes to the text in two places that I think clears up the matter.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

Amamama posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 5:41am

I don't remember much of version one (guess I said that in the last review too, huh?), but I really like this one. The tension around Harry/Ron and Harry/Ginny is well conveyed. I felt like shouting "give him a break, will you?!" and hubby was unable to get any contact, so I was obviously absorbed...

I'm wondering what Mrs. Granger is going to say to Harry, and how his talk with Hermione will go. Maybe next chapter? ;-)

Thanks!

Ryu Son Goku posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 5:03am

Just to make sure.. Are they at the Burrow or the Shrieking Shack? It gets a bit confusing. But still a great chapter.

atlantis-rob posted a comment on Wednesday 30th May 2007 1:48am

Nice job again on this chapter, it flowed better, especially things like lupin and harry's mini argument and such. The bit with the elves and such (twins gift) was very amusing too, and well done with the handling of kreacher. Cheers!

Decumo9 posted a comment on Monday 28th May 2007 7:29am

is there a paring for this story, or did i just completely miss something.

Dragen posted a comment on Saturday 26th May 2007 10:21pm

I was wondering if there is any parings for this story, if so what are they... could you tell us in the next chapter of this story.

Cool, Harry has a motorbike. I like that he did for Ron, even if he is being a git right now.

PLEASE update again soon, as I would like to see what happens next.

KateHC posted a comment on Saturday 26th May 2007 2:30am

This chapter was both informative and very funny in parts. I feel so sorry for your Lupin. He is truly a tragic figure.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Tragic but very, very flawed.   In my view, most fanfics are too kind to Lupin.   He was definitely Dumbledore's man during Harry's early childhood, to Harry's detriment.   The best-case explanation is that he was convinced Dumbles would do right by Harry (although he should have known the score with Lily's sister) and thought himself too dangerous  to become involved in Harry's life.   That still doesn't explain why he stayed away for Harry's first two school years, unless the situation for werewolves is even worse than described in canon.   They also have him get over the loss of Sirius almost as easily as Harry slipped it aside in HBP (which really bothered me).  

Cheers,.

Mike [FP]

sanghamitra posted a comment on Saturday 26th May 2007 1:14am

are you incorporating the horcrux idea in this version ?

Full_Pensieve replied:

No.   The plot arc for YoR was based around a specific theory of mine regarding the connection between Harry and Lord Thingy.   Change that, and you wipe out the plot arc.   I also don't like the Horcrux concept for a variety of reasons.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

Infin1x posted a comment on Friday 25th May 2007 4:38pm

Very interesting can't wait to see this continued