brad posted a comment on Friday 25th May 2007 12:14pm

It's my understanding, from one or two messages by the FFA authors on Tim's Yahoo group, that when an FFA author uploads a chapter there's a box to tick ('check') to tell the system to send out e-mail notifications to registered readers? If the box isn't ticked then the notifications don't go out.

I haven't received any e-mail messages regarding any of the chapters of YoR-redux, so when I wrote my last review I was just asking if you'd "ticked the box". I didn't receive any notification for this one either.

I was looking around your FFA site to try and find the old version of YoR - I guess you have removed it already, as implied by your posts on the FFA forum - and I noticed your two fanfic recommendations. I wish there was an e-mail notification for that sort of thing (too)! Seems to me I've often been surprised by your popping something in there, or in the 'other formats', or the home page's 'latest news'.

Anyway, I'd already come across 'Finding Himself' - it's sitting here waiting for me to read one day - on reading the first chapter I'd decided that it was a keeper and deserved a proper, full-on perusal. Thank you for the second recommendation - 'With Malice Aforethought' - if it's of similar quality then I'm indebted to you! These days I truly treasure the really good stories that I find, they seem to be few and far between.

If I can ask - I notice that author SPSmith's sequel to 'With Malice Aforethought' - 'And Malice Toward None' - is only on its second chapter, and was last updated half a year ago. Would you have any idea as to the story's current status or likelihood of being completed?

In my last review I was going to suggest that maybe Dumbledore had lied when he'd spoken about why he cared for Harry in Sirius's 'game'; maybe he'd deliberately lied in the first round, to show what Sirius had placed in store for people who broke the rules - some visible prank which made the lie and liar obvious to all - and then circumvented the spell's protections in some manner when he spoke to Harry (he *is* Dumbledore, the most powerful wizard around) so Harry would take his words at face value. But I later read Cry's comment, which makes much more sense; so much more elegant to keep it simple and have Ablus exploit a loophole of counting on Sirius to only ward against lies on the *first* exchange with the one for whom he cared the *most*. So I'm glad I didn't say anything :-)

As to this chapter; very enjoyable, and again it's very hard not to pull out the old version and keep reading. I always thought the Triumph was a bit of overkill, seemed to stretch things a lot - a pole suspended between two sawhorses looking and acting like a motorbike? - but of course you're just extrapolating from the whole canon idea of a broomstick. I'd missed the first time around the fact that there were wand cores in the handles; that links in nicely with someone (Kingsley, Tonks?) half-joking that Moody would be likely to stash hidden wand cores all over his home, etc - I always liked that, it seemed to be an obvious thing for a (paranoid) wizard to do which I'd never read of before.

"That would be a sure path to product testing" - heh. Always liked that line.

I was going to protest that Ginny must surely be closer to 15 than 14 - it's a bit 'icky' to think of a 14 year old as a possible girlfriend for 16-year-old Harry - but I guess her over-protective brothers would typically round their little sister's age down rather than up.

The mention of Luna in this chapter - and Harry's protective attitude towards her, very nice - has reminded me of your story's unique Luna, one of the best I've ever read. Sigh. Quite some time to go before I see if her mental 'illness' around Hogwarts is healed, I guess. :-(

So, the 'Directors' Meeting' is going to be at the shop rather than the Burrow? Well, you did warn us things were going to be cut.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Hmm.   I did find the box and "tick" it for CH 7.   I'm not sure why it didn't go out, although I know there have been some hiccups with the whole notification thing in recent days.

I don't actually know SPSmith - exchanged one Email, IIRC - so I can't tell you the status of the sequel.   I just thought the fic was well done.

I knew going into YoR that I did not want to do a charmed motorbike - that was already overdone in 2003 - and I was planning on a past connection between Devlin Whitehorn and Sirius.   The concept came together from that.   Yes, Shacklebolt's comment about wand cores in YoR the First CH 16 did emerge from that.  

Ginny wouldn't have turned 15 until roughly CH 28 of YoR the First, and yes, I figured on the twins being more likely to accidentally say Ginny was 14 in September than to say she was 15 in July.

Luna will still be Luna - I was too pleased with the characterization to let it go.   She might not appear much until things start going to hell, however.

Drop by the chat room when you have a chance, eh?   It's still open .   The password is "blustery" (case sensitive).

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

 

 

 

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 11:07pm

Well, this is getting more intense as it goes, and I do look forward to the explanation, and hope that Hary won't be mollified by Albus anytime soon, as well as maybe getting Ron to pull his head from his butt, and to see what might happen with Harry next concerning his love life.

Melferd posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 11:10am

I really love the new, streamlined version. It's a tight plot, and it's been a corking read.
*Looks back over shoulder wistfully at former wordy goodness"

Dude, I just love your stories...didn't have to change to please me!!
Thanks for the more!!
Mel

JBern posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 10:22am

Darn. Here I thought this was Pansy/Harry....

Seriously, nice chapter. I remember enough about the original. I haven't seen any major changes yet, but the extra coat of polish is always a welcome addition. In the middle of the chapter, you use kerb instead of curb or am I just thinking of the wrong word?

You do a nice job with Fred and George without making them over the top. Remus, he bothered me a bit with the self-absorbed comment. It was Harry's birthday and all, but I guess he made his point.

Looking forward to more.~Jim

Full_Pensieve replied:

No, Jim, this is pansy!Harry. ;-)

Kerb is the English variant spelling for 'curb'.   I also used it in CH 4 when Tonks was driving Harry in her BMW Isetta.  

Remus isn't an even-tempered character in YoR - wasn't in YoR the First, either.  

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 8:26am

*laughs* Such a birthday gift, he should be honored - I think. Well, some interesting news and revelations this time, it seems Sirius was quite the wild one. One could hope some of this rubs off on Harry.

Crys posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 5:05am

Very generous of Harry. A bit too generous, IMO, but that's your call.

Nice to see you enjoying a bit of your fame, Harry. The endorsement at WWW was believable, but a bit mercenary if he thought it through.

Winky "took care of" Kreacher? That's a new one.

Looking forward to seeing what the annual meeting will be about.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Fred and George's appreciation of the endorsement was certainly mercenary - LOL.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

Bedrup posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 4:57am

Great chapter. A little disappointed in the broom bike.

James Barber posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 4:12am

Hey great story, I remember reading the first couple of chapters of this story somewhere, either here or probably at fanfiction(dot)net and I liked it then as I do now. but I also think you are correct it seems to flow better. anyway looking forward to the rest of it.

Amamama posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 2:01am

Interesting. I remember the part with Devlin Whitehorn and the Bonnie from the first time round, and I love that the Bonnie is actually a kind of transfigured broom. Hope you're finding the rewriting inspiring, as I would love to see this story finished.

Cheers!

Kinsfire posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 1:54am

"Nearly everyone from the old Order is swimming in loss, but you’re too self-absorbed to notice!"

---

Sorry but the following is my thoughts regarding that little comment of Lupin's:

"And you're all too self-absorbed in your memories to remember that I know nothing about these people! What were my parents like? Mum had red hair and green eyes, and Dad looked just like me except for the colour of his eyes. Oh, and he was a right bastard as well in school."

"He was more than that!"

"THEN WHY WON"T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT HIM AND MUM?!? Self absorbed? Guilty! I'll work on that, though - they're dead, so I don't need to know anything about them, after all."

"Harry -"

"Save it. You're right. I don't need to know."

---

Sorry, but it just struck me that they're expecting an abused 16 year old to think and act like a 30 or 40 year old. And despite Lupin's statement otherwise, it's guilt. Obligation is just a kinder word for it.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Yes, I agree.   As of the end of OotP, that was my impression of canon - that the people around Harry alternated between keeping him uninformed in the name of having a 'childhood' (Molly Weasley) and expecting him to act like an Auror (Mad-Eye Moody).   Why didn't anyone ever sit down to explain *anything* to Harry?   Not only does he know little about his family, but he seems to know relatively little about the wizarding world as a whole.   If it isn't malicious or planned, then it's the product of guilt.    This remark was a straight lift from YoR the First, BTW.

HBP left me much more confused on this point.   If anything, it strengthened the argument that Harry's upbringing and school life have been almost entirely manipulated.   He was led through that book like a rat through a maze, and came out the other end as 'Dumbledore's man'.   Abuse made Harry pliant, and Dumbledore filled in the gaps as was his wont.   Creepy, frankly.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

hp4all posted a comment on Monday 21st May 2007 6:04am

Why is this chapter numbered to be seven? It follows chapter five, and should be six.

I remember that in the early versions Snape said something along the lines of "I always wanted to know how it ended" after Harry pushed the prophecy into Snape's head. Was this sentence editted out on purpose?

The rest of the will reading seemed unchanged, except the venue. Oh, and the thoughtful frown by Ted when he heard the amount of each share.

I also noticed that Hermione is 15 and her age is mentioned explicitely. I can bet my house that Hermione was her canon age in one of your most recent updates, but that could have been "the last Horcrux".

I spotted some erroneous grammar:
'"You should BE apologise for asking such an impertinent question!" she whispered angrily.'
"BE" seems out of place here, unless Mrs. Malfoy lost her command of English after hearing the accusation from Harry.

It is always a please to see your update, even if it is just a new edit. The only thing that worries me with this edit is it's not going to be finished before book 7 comes out, and the said book would prompt yet another major edit.

All the best,
hp4all

Full_Pensieve replied:

Thank you for the various catches, David - I have  appreciated your reviews over the years.   I've made appropriate changes throughout.   This is what comes of working without a beta at  this time  (who would I subject to this mess, for goodness' sake?)   There are a few more  changes than you pointed out but they're subtle ones.   Some will come home to roost, however.

HBP (aka Harry Potter and the Deathly Shallows)  didn't prompt this edit, although I'm borrowing from it as is my wont.   I was already doing that in YoR the First.   For example, some readers took notice of  my placement of  the Half Blood Prince's potions textbook in  the prior  CH 35.   The reason for Redux is that I was away from YoR for nearly a year, and therefore (a) couldn't remember some of it, and (b) realized that there was no way I could ever complete it with the number of open plot threads I had created.   Deathly Hallows won't affect me one way or the other;  I'll either finish this eventually  or I won't. [shrugs]

     

Crys posted a comment on Monday 21st May 2007 1:55am

> Over the course of a few hours, he had found out that . . .
Big day. Helluva chapter.

I'd be interested in two things.

1) Did Draco (and Snape) conjure a mirror for the "who do you care for the most" part? ;)

2) Was Dumbledore the first one Harry talked to about "who do you care for"? Cuz if he wasn't the first, then he could have said that with no ill effects and had Harry actually believe it yet it not be true.

> Mrs. Weasley said to Ron, "We’ve always been rich, Ron. Now we have some money to go with it."
Nice try, Molly. He's just too damn greedy, though.

Ron's being an absolute ass about the money and Hermione. If he wants to go after Hermione, do so. Not making a move yourself yet doing everything to keep everyone else away is just selfish to the extreme.

Expected Ginny's reaction. Her low self-esteem makes sense after I've thought about it. Any reason for the violin, or just a throw-away line?

How'd Remus phrase it? Sirius had a tendency to stir up the pot then leave. Jeez, talk about an exit.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Crys,

Thanks for the review, man!   Now to your points:

(1) R-O-T-F-L-M-A-O !!   Should have written that in, eh?

(2) Ha!   You caught that, did you?   Sirius's instructions said to talk to the person you cared for the most, and said that spouses were excluded - nothing more.   What would prevent someone from speaking to virtually everyone in the room?   What would require a person to speak to the one they cared for the most first  ?   Dumbles is a canny old sod. ;-)  

(3) Ron has his reasons for being an ass, which became clearer in CH 13 of YoR the First and will remain the same in Redux.

(4) Ginny is a fourteen year old girl, despite now-canonical efforts to make her into something else.   The violin is most certainly not a throw-away line. :-)

(5) Part of my initial personal charter in writing YoR was to see for myself how large a deceased character could loom.   I wasn't pleased with Sirius's death - LOL.

It sounds like you've not read YoR the First, so welcome to Redux.   I hope you have an interest in continuing to review, as it is nice to get feedback from a fresh set of eyes.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

brad posted a comment on Saturday 19th May 2007 5:53pm

I didn't receive any e-mail notification messages for these two chapters; did you remember to tick the box? :-)

A delight to re-read this story. It's really quite hard to stop grabbing the original version and soldiering on until 4am. I love stories that make me want to do that.

As you made me privy to one of your plot secrets in a chat session I took special notice this time around of the 'Phasma transtuli' spell, and also Harry's note that Voldemort's voice had changed, was deeper. It was also good fun to catch all the references to Harry's uncontrolled ... 'empathy', is that the term?

A really effective atmosphere of people on edge and friction abounding in these two chapters; sometimes it seemed like almost no-one was in control of their emotions. No wonder Harry had such a tough time of it!

Loved the whole reading of the will thing, of course. I think YoR was one of the first fanfics I found, 3.5+ years ago, and I remember marvelling then at the hoops that Sirius put everyone through and the undercurrents of the various relationships that were uncovered. I've read other stories with the big 'Sirius Will Reading' scene, but I gather YoR was one of the first? And certainly the classiest!

When I first read the beginnings of YoR, years ago, I wasn't - I hate to say it! - a H/Hr man. In fact I didn't really know what 'shipping' was. Needless to say I really enjoyed seeing Hermione again. I've always remembered their words in the 'caring' round, but their little scene affected me more, I think, this time around than before. Probably because I hooked all this into what I know is coming up ... Hermione's suffering for Harry's secret, the attack at the Grangers', Intermezzo (of course) and her recent birthday gift. I'm a fellow who always loves to re-read his favourite books, but I think YoR in particular is something that has so much detail, so many interconnecting threads, it will be especially amenable to re-reads; one part reminding one of another, and so on. Reading Harry's statement - "he didn't hesitate for a moment" - that he would sacrifice himself for Hermione made me think of all those other times in the book, that analogy he mentioned to Dumbledore at the birthday party ("Hermione ran out of the room"), etc. Sorry, I'm waffling. The Will Reading was a great crucible for putting all these people together and setting the stage for future relationships to be forged. And when Hermione wiped her eyes I felt much the same.

A couple of little spelling mistakes - I should take note of them as I read, shouldn't I? One is Mrs. Malfoy saying "You should be apologise for asking such an impertinent question!".

Mr. Granger states that Hermione is still only 15. I believe canon Hermione is almost a year older than Harry, so she'd be approaching 17 at the end of their fifth year. You're intending to keep her younger in your novel?

Still, if you continue to have a Ginny with a pointy nose, big ears and a flat chest I guess you're happy to buck canon! :-)

Exciting chapters; like Harry, I agree that there was a lot packed into them! Thank you.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Tick what box?   Sorry, I'm lost on that one.

I wrote and posted Sirius's will reading about a month after OotP was released, so I suppose YoR was among the earlier fics to pursue this line of enquiry.

Some of what you cited from YoR the First may be the same; some may be shaped differently; and some may be absent -- just offering a fair warning.   But yes,  Redux  has an edgier feel, and intentionally so.  

Ginny is short-statured, slender and has some semblance of the family nose.   That's what we knew before she was transformed into... whatever she was  transformed into for the purposes of HP and the Deathly Shallows.   As for her response at the will reading, keep in mind that she was reacting in a panic -- that's a likely place to bring out  the worst in one's self-perception.   Not her  best moment, but how would a fourteen-year-old girl react to the prospect of a humiliating hex  in front of someone she  finds at least somewhat fanciable (to borrow Hermione's odd turn-of-phrase)?  

Expect  more exposition  on that point  during Harry's birthday party.   Keep in mind that YoR Redux is listed under "General".

Cheers,

Mike [FP]  

atlantis-rob posted a comment on Saturday 19th May 2007 2:12am

Fabulous work on the rework of the last 2 chapters, the previous one felt very different and I definetly can remember a few changes to this one! I dig the changes you've made that have definetly helped smooth the flow and raise the emotion/etc a good bit. Cheers!!!

Full_Pensieve replied:

It's edgier, isn't it?   I'm not quite sure if it's edgier than I intend, but I did intend for sharper edges.   Harry's not under a clear enough threat in YoR the First.   Expect more changes along that line.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Thursday 17th May 2007 9:24am

Heh, now -that- is leaving them with a bang. It all sounds so totally Sirius, too. I suspect the repercussions of this one will be echoing for quite a while, esp. as Harry and Hermione start coming to grips with how they feel for one another.

*snicker* I almost feel sorry for Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy, Sirius' delightfully twisted sense of humor is lost on them.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Heck, in YoR the First, the repercussions were still playing out after 400,000 words - LOL!  

Any sense of humor is lost on Snape.   He's the Grinch with bad hair and a cloak.   Hopefully canon!Snape's heart will remain three sizes too small.   (Please, please, please, Jo... don't redeem him!   Even if he's going to do something beneficial for Harry, please have him remain a heartless, malevolent bastard.)   As for Draco, the canon version seems headed for redemption of some sort.   I'm not deeply opposed to that.    Both canon!Draco and YoR!Draco  seek a sort of change; neither knows how to go about it.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]      

Ryu Son Goku posted a comment on Wednesday 16th May 2007 9:58am

Other than the brief goof of them being at Grimmald Place instead of Gringotts, I like how this is progressing. Looking forward to more.

Full_Pensieve replied:

Ack!   That's one of the most difficult things about an edit of this scale and scope - it's easy to miss a reference or two like that.   It's been corrected - thank you for catching it.

Cheers,

Mike [FP]

morriganscrow posted a comment on Friday 4th May 2007 4:52am

An excellent, challenging read with complex story arcs, all very well written.
I look forward to future chapters.

dexterz posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd May 2007 2:10am

what is it with everyone ordering harry around seems he grows a backbone one minute its there next minute its gone

Erik Wiggins posted a comment on Wednesday 25th April 2007 2:50pm

Full Pensieve is definitely one of the most intense, mature, awesome writers in all of Fanfic!

Patches posted a comment on Friday 20th April 2007 7:08am

This is an interesting chapter. Thank you for writing. Of course the adults like Dumbledore think Harry shouldn't be emancipated but it is time for Harry to have some say in what he does. Dumbledore has control issues. Remus has a much better approach. He can expess concern but he also allows Harry to make decisions without a lot of arguing. I would like to know where Hermione is and what happened. Thanks for writing. I look forward to the next chapter. pms